A lot had happened back then. At the time of the shut down of this minecraft server, I was dealing with depression, anxiety, and issues at home. There was a handful of people that didn't make it easier for me. They would constantly send me hate over the most petty of things. Nothing I ever did made them happy and they wanted to drag me as hard as they could for every little thing I did. I lashed out in anger. Not just towards them, but to TMAU as a whole. A lot of people didn't know what was going on behind the scenes as I kept it to myself, mostly because of the level of people telling me that I'm an administrator so the rules didn't protect me like it did my regular members. For these members, I was not deserving of being treated like a basic human being. Make no mistake, this is not an excuse for the way I behaved.
I'm sorry to those I hurt,
especially to those who did nothing to deserve that final outburst from me. They deserved better than that and I wish I could have given it to them. But I can't go back in time to stop myself. What is done is done and I still regret it to this day. I just hope that everyone found happiness and has been able to move on from the past. I want nothing less for everyone.
I'm proud to say that I started medication shortly after the shut down and things have gotten better for me. I still have depression and anxiety issues but it takes a lot to anger me nowadays and I have people I can talk to when things go awry for me. I'm still friends with a handful of people that I met through TMAU and I couldn't be any more grateful to them for their patience during my struggles of getting better. I learned a lot from running the server, especially since I was still new to interacting with strangers online even by the time I shut it down. I know how to prepare myself better for things and can handle issues in a more proper way than anger.
